“It Tastes Like Beef-Flavored Something. Beef-flavored Matter.”
Talk about a back-handed compliment! Time for one of my favorite reviews of all time!
A Face Only A Reviewer Could Love!
What can make a food reviewer look like this? Well, the title of my story gave it away, but if you’ve never seen one, get a look at this!
The Cheeseburger In A Can!
I love this so much!
Sold by a German outdoor supply company, this amazing blend of science and nature allows you to take a cheeseburger out for a hike, or an overnight camping trip!
Now of course, as funny as the can looks, you DO have to bite into it at some point – and you will get this:
There was a pretty funny review on The Onion’s website – including some good quotes about what the “Cheeseburger In A Can” tastes like…for example:
• “Oh, auuugh. It’s awful. Have these people ever had hamburger before?”
• “Boy, that taste really stays in your mouth, doesn’t it?”
• “That was so bad.”
• “I think it’s more the soggy bun than the meat.”
• “No, it really is the meat that’s the problem. Oh God.”
• “It’s like the Salisbury steak in a cheap TV dinner.”
• “It’s like Upton Sinclair nightmare bratwurst.”
• “It tastes like Spam. Spam, but chewy. The texture’s about the same.”
• “It is a little smushy. It’s spongy. I don’t hate it. I think I could eat it if it was hotter, and I could dip it in Ranch dressing.”
• “I cannot swallow this. It will not go down.”
• “It’s not quite meat, is it? It looks like freaky airline food.”
• “It tastes like beef-flavored something. Beef-flavored matter.”
• “It’s a really dense meat-like puck.”
• “When I first tasted it, it didn’t bother me, but it festered.” “Really? I gagged the second it hit my tongue.”
What else is there to say?
Well, there may be THIS! Here is the reviewer trying the “canned cheeseburger” – and boy, is he struggling!
I can watch this over and over…I have to give credit to the company that decided we needed Cheeseburgers anywhere and anytime…and I also have to give credits to the foodie minds who came up with this:
A “Fried Chicken Bloody Mary!”
This is one of the most hilarious things I’ve seen: an entire fried chicken served up in a Bloody Mary…and if you want pizza, well I have you covered as well:
I have to give big props to the folks who come up with this stuff…you can see it all here:
Now, we started with a “canned cheeseburger”, so what else do you want in a can?
Hungarian Canned Bacon!
You can never go wrong starting with bacon!
Yes, our good friend bacon is also available in a canned version. And I see why it works so well – just stand it up on end, roll it up and slide it in! Now you have the goodness of bacon whenever you want it – just pop the top and unroll some deliciousness!
I can imagine taking a can of bacon along on my next camping trip to adding it to my cheeseburger in a can – once we have canned mayo, it’s all golden!
It’s hard to criticize canned bacon, which seems like a very normal canned food product…unlike THIS:
Hold Your Tongue!
OK, time to edge into wacky territory, and here’s an idea for you: canned sheep tongue!
Many cultures eat tongue, so it is something you will find on more progressive ethnic menus…beef tongue is eaten like bologna, so it’s not THAT unusual:
Well, after looking at ten pounds of sheep’s tongue, maybe it IS UNUSUAL:
Now, from the wacky to the bizarre, let’s take a look at other mystery meats coming out of a can soon:
Yes, you can keep a can of Armadillo at the ready, just in case you have the need – now you have the ability as well!
Creamed Armadillo On The Half Shell!
I can only imagine that if you want some Armadillo, but don’t have the time to “cream” it yourself, this is for you…and speaking of strange “creamed meats in a can”:
I almost wish this was a joke – unless I am missing something, Possum doesn’t come to mind as a meat to eat in any way, especially creamed.
But, just in case this sparks some sort of cooking frenzy in you, I actually found a website that is all for you – here is a possum recipe!
Pork Brain In Milk Gravy – Hold The Cholesterol!
Time now to move onto a “smarter” meal:
Yes, if you need a week’s worth of cholesterol in a single day – with “milk gravy” no less, then I guess pork brains are for you! And here is a canned food product that doesn’t beat around the bush!
“Potted Meat Food Product!”
Hey, talk about “truth in advertising!” It’s a potted meat food product – there are many on the market, and this is NO knock against the quality of Libby’s version: it’s a product, much like spam, that uses lesser parts of an animal, and adds seasoning and spices…it’s mostly used on crackers as a sort of pate:
Among the ingredients: Mechanically separated chicken, pork skin, partially defatted cooked pork fatty tissue, partially defatted cooked beef fatty tissue, vinegar, less than 2% of: salt, spices, sugar, flavorings, sodium erythorbate and sodium nitrite.
Again, there is no knock against this type of food – it’s just a unique packaging style to be sure! And, to end on a very pointless note, I leave you with this:
That’s right! Look it up! And yes, they sell it in a can!
STILL not enough for you? Then what about this new way to eat sushi!
Yes, sushi poppers! Sushi in a tube is close to food in a can, right?
Click HERE to read all about this amazing new food product!
Enjoy all of this unique food goodness – and remember to bite down hard!
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