I have a question for you:
Don’t be frightened, but it’s been on my mind:
What Makes A Movie “BAD”? This?
Well, this is clearly a film that can give you a splitting headache…
Let’s see: George Burns, Peter Frampton and The Bee Gees dressed up as “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”…you know what, I’m beginning to feel a bit “unwell”….
Or Without A Doubt THIS!
If you just shouted out:
“You’re tearing me apart, Lisa!”
Well, then you know what I’m talking about – these are images from five of the worst films ever made – and also the greatest films because there is something really fun about viewing them!
Bad movies have a special place in my heart – because I paid good money to see these! And now I own them all as well, allowing me to have a “bad movie marathon” anytime I want…
Time For A “Bad Movie Marathon!”
We will begin overseas, on a beautiful island where people are terrorized by severed heads!
Mystics In Bali!
Yep, every bad movie marathon has to begin with a possessed severed head movie….
Here is the plot of “Mystics In Bali”: researching a book that takes her to Bali and the black magic cult of Leák, Cathy meets an evil witch which promises to train her in the dark arts. Tricked, Cathy is turned into a Penanggalan:
a flying vampire with internal organs hanging from her neck!
It is now up to the local holy men who are then enforced to do battle with the forces of evil. And look at these amazing special effects they must fight off!
Folks, this is a delight to behold…”MYSTICS IN BALI” has to be seen to be believed!
The film is a strange blend – with some genuine creepy moments and others that will have you unintentionally laugh out loud.
And let’s be honest – don’t you HAVE to see this movie now to see what happens to this pregnant lady next?
Next up: the most recent “camp classic”, thanks to the magic of Tommy Wiseau!
Yes, let’s take a moment to behold the majesty of…”The Room.” This 2003 cult film is a movie sensation – it routinely plays all across the country as a “midnight movie” offering…with audience participation much like that “other” midnight cult classic:
Rocky Horror Meets The Room!
“The Rocky Horror Picture Show” flopped when it was originally released, but has since become a cultural phenomenon….and now “The Room” has followed in its footsteps…Tommy Wiseau’s seductive gaze and all…
“The Room” was written by Tommy Wiseau, directed by Tommy Wiseau and stars Tommy Wiseau…it is widely regarded as the worst film ever made…and its popularity grows by the year….more on that in a moment, but first, a quick recap on the movie:
Tommy Wiseau stars as “Johnny”, a successful banker who lives happily in a San Francisco townhouse with his fiancé, Lisa.
“You Are Tearing Me Apart, Lisa!”
Yes, THAT LISA.
One day, Lisa decides to seduce Johnny’s best friend, Mark. From there, nothing will be the same again…and yes, THIS IS MARK…
After enjoying all that “The Room” is, you’ve had a few questions – including this very important one:
“Where did this movie come from and how did it get out?”
To find out the answer to that question, the story of Greg Sestero’s amazing book that details the inside story of the film’s production can be found here:
Kudos to Sestero for writing a hilarious yet affectionate look at Tommy Wiseau!
Now, speaking of “DISASTERS:
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band!
Yes, it is widely considered the greatest album ever made – and I love everything about The Beatles….but I’m not talking about the fab four right now!
Producer Robert Stigwood optioned the music and made this amazingly misguided attempt to bring the Sgt. Pepper Band to life, courtesy of the Bee Gees, Peter Frampton –
AND GEORGE BURNS!
While you take a moment to settle your nerves, you can check out the trailer!
Take a moment to absorb this: a film was made using rock’s greatest album of all time. And the decision was made to turn it into a musical comedy starring Peter Frampton, The Bee Gees and George Burns…
But That’s Not All!
Yes, they also managed to book Steve Martin, Alice Cooper and Earth,Wind & Fire! It was a mid-70’s greatest hits team that must also share the blame for agreeing to star in this 1978 disaster! And yes, here is MORE high stepping!
Needless to say, this movie was one of the biggest bombs EVER – and as for reviews – well, Newsweek’s David Ansen called Sgt. Pepper “a film with a dangerous resemblance to wallpaper.”
“And In The End…”
For the finale of the film, it was decided that they’d assemble an enormous roster of celebrities to sing the reprise of “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.” Formal invitations were engraved and sent to virtually everyone in the entertainment industry; the many who RSVP’d were treated to first-class transportation to Los Angeles, limos, luxurious hotels, champagne, a lavishly catered dinner and private tents for each of the stars in the studio’s garden room.
What more can be said? How can anything be worse than the butchering of The Beatles? Well…
Behold The Magic Of Andy Milligan!
If you don’t know Andy, you have missed out on cinema created by a Director who gives Ed Wood a run for his money!
“In Cranium-Cleaving Color!”
How can you resist a movie that offers this tagline?
Let’s begin with the fact that is one great poster – it almost promises to deliver an awful movie – and guess what? Director Andy Milligan did!
The Ghastly Ones!
Check out the “Doctor’s Warning” on the poster – a classic “come on” for the suckers at that time…love it! Now, back to why we are here: “The Ghastly Ones” is one of the world’s WORST exploitation films ever made! Check out this legendarily bad trailer!
Here is the plot: Three married couples spend the night in a Victorian-era house where they start getting killed off by a deranged psycho who’s bent on claiming an inheritance they are all entitled to.
Sure, that’s a servicable plot: but under the Direction of Andy Milligan, it’s a debacle! Here’s a great bit of trivia, thanks to IMDB: In several of the fight scenes of the film, the crew and their cameras and sound equipment are visible.
There are also moments when the director can be heard softly reminding the actors of their lines!
Now THAT”S film making! As one reader on IMDB stated:
“This is an absolutely horrible film in every way possible.”
To read more about this master of bad taste and “unique” filmmaking, click on my whole story here:
But there is, in my opinion, one movie that rises above them all in its purity of awfulness – the legendary “you can call it a film but it isnt in any stretch of the imagination” classic:
Psyched By The 4D Witch!
I have written about this film before. That is of course if you can really call it “a film.” But it was in movie theaters, and yes, they took my money without shame…you see, it’s not so much a “bad movie” as it is a series of b-roll shots with a poorly written narration laid over it…and shots of this actress…
As you watch, you begin to notice things, like the fact there is NO synched sound at all, meaning it’s all b-roll and voiceover of her “thoughts and reactions”! And by the way, it is the worst voiceover narration ever recorded, with pointless scenes of her in a room followed by random footage of traffic and city streets – all strung together to fill time…in fact, it was described by Something Weird Video (who was smart enough to release it on DVD) as:
“the most maddening, jaw-dropping, mind-bending piece of celluloid lunacy ever to play American theaters!”
You understand that is EXACTLY why I love the folks at Something Weird Video – because they saved this film!
To read all about Something Weird Video, and their passionate attempt to keep the world’s weirdest films alive, click here:
Now put in some movie badness and have a great weekend!
Categories: 70's Cinema, Action Films, Awards, Bloopers, Books / Media, British Cinema, documentary films, Exploitation films, Extreme Asian Cinema, Foreign Films, Great Films, Grindhouse, Horror films, Independent Cinema, London, Movies, Movies About Movies, Music, Obscure Movies, Obscure Music, Revenge Movies, Sexploitation Movies, Talent/Celebrities, The Beatles, Uncategorized