“Everyone Has Swelled!” Best HS Reunion Movies EVER! Romy & Michelle! John Cusack Too!

You may have missed your high school reunion, but the two best High School reunion movies ever are now on blu-ray!

There’s nothing quite like a high school reunion! Going back to see your fellow students is illuminating to say the least, as this dialogue proves:


Marcella: You know, when you started getting invited to your ten year high school reunion, time is catching up.
Martin Q. Blank: Are you talking about a sense of my own mortality or a fear of death?
Marcella: Well, I never really thought about it quite like that.
Martin Q. Blank: Did you go to yours?
Marcella: Yes, I did. It was just as if everyone had swelled.


“Everyone Has Swelled” Indeed!

That great conversation is from “Grosse Pointe Blank” one of 1997’s great underrated movies! In fact, both of these films are from 1997 – apparently a funny year for a reunion!

high school reunion films


Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion

This hilarious comedy stars Mira Sorvino, Lisa Kudrow, Alan Cummings and Janeane Garrfalo.

Romy and Michelle have been through it all – including being tortured by the Popular crowd when they were in high school. They are best friends, living together in a special “Romy & Michelle” world…


Romy: I’ve been killing myself for eight days and I gained a pound.
Michele: That’s impossible. Did you deduct sixteen pounds for your shoes?


Michele: Did you lose weight?
Romy: Actually, I have been trying this new fat free diet I invented. All I’ve had to eat for the past six days are gummy bears, jelly beans, and candy corns.
Michele: God, I wish I had your discipline.

When they receive word of their ten year reunion, they realize their lives aren’t as impressive as they’d like them to be, including the fact that neither of them has a boyfriend.


Romy: Swear to God, sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.
Michele: Do you want to try to have sex sometime just to see if we are?
Romy: What? Yeah, right, Michelle. Just the idea of having sex with another woman creeps me out. But if we’re not married by the time we’re 30, ask me again.
Michele: Okay.

They decide to go to the reunion – but made over into their fantasy versions of themselves – with business outfits, cell phones, and for Michelle, a hilarious new resume, which she reveals to the most popular girl in school, Christie…

Christie: So, Mi-chelle! What are you up to?
Michele: Oh, okay. Um, I invented Post-Its.
Christie: No offense, Michele, but how in the world did *you* think of Post-Its?
Michele: Actually I invented a special kind of glue.
Christie: Oh really? Well then I’m sure you wouldn’t mind giving us a detailed account of exactly how you concocted this miracle glue, would you?
Michele: No. Um, well, ordinarily when you make glue first you need to thermoset your resin and then after it cools you have to mix in an epoxide, which is really just a fancy-schmancy name for any simple oxygenated adhesive, right? And then I thought maybe, just maybe, you could raise the viscosity by adding a complex glucose derivative during the emulsification process and it turns out I was right. ”

Of course they meet many of their high school enemies, as well as fellow outcasts Janeane Garofalo and Alan Cummings.

Garofalo is hilariously caustic, and Cummings is the nerd who becomes Bill Gates…

And of course, Romy talks to people to find out what they are up to…


Romy: Hey, um, great suit. Is that an Armani?
Suit Salesman: Yes. Yes, it is.
Romy: I thought so. So, what do you do?
Suit Salesman: I’m a suit salesman.
Romy: Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood.

Kudrow and Sorvino are pitch perfect in this movie as the two somewhat dim-witted friends, which is funny and poignant as well. And the two are really acting as well! Why? Well, Lisa Kudrow received a degree in Biology from Vassar College, and Mira Sorvino a degree in Asian Studies from Harvard University, so during production of Romy and Michele, they nicknamed each other “Smart” and “Smarter”.

Now, the other 1997 reunion movie…a classic action-comedy with a great soundtrack and smart performances!


Grosse Pointe Blank

This hilarious black comedy stars John Cusack, Minnie Driver, Dan Aykroyd and Jeremy Piven.

Cusack stars as Martin Blank, a freelance hit man who starts to develop a conscience, which causes him to muff a couple of routine assignments. He tells his Psychiatrist about his upcoming reunion…


[Talking to his psychiatrist about going to his high school reunion]
Marty: They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they’ve all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? “I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How’ve you been?”

On the advice of his secretary and his psychiatrist, he attends his 10th year High School reunion in Grosse Pointe, Michigan.

Of course, this gives him a chance to catch up with his long lost love, Minnie Driver. But nothing is simple, of course…

Hot on his tail are a couple of over-enthusiastic federal agents, another assassin who wants to kill him, and Dan Aykroyd, who is hilarious as Grocer, an assassin who wants him to join an “Assassin’s Union.” He gets REALLY angry when Cusack turns him down, leading to this hilarious line…


Mr. Grocer: After we do your job, we’re gonna do another job.
Marty: Tell me about it.
Mr. Grocer: Like I’m gonna put a bullet hole in your fuckin’ forehead, and I’m gonna fuck the brain hole!

Jeremy Piven stars as a friend who actually thinks it’s cool that Cusack has become a hit man, since his life is so boring…and of course, all things go crazy at the reunion when another hit man shows up to kill Cusack, leading to a deadly hallway battle…

The film’s Director originally planned to shoot the high school scenes at Grosse Pointe South High, but did not get permission from the school board. They felt that it would be inappropriate to show someone graduating from Grosse Pointe’s school system to become a hit man.

And of course, his old flame sees the murder and finds out what Cusack has been up to…she is horrified at first, but of course wants to know more, like how he ever got into this business to begin with…

Debi: [about the man Martin killed at the reunion] He was trying to kill you, right?
Marty: Yes.
Debi: It wasn’t the other way around?
Marty: No.
Debi: Is it something you’ve done?
Marty: It’s something I do… professionally, for about five years now.
[He lifts the gun in his hand]
Debi: [gasps] You were joking! People joke all the time about the horrible things they do, they don’t *do* them! It’s absurd!
Marty: When I left, I joined the Army, and when I took the service exam, my psych profile fit a certain… “moral flexibility” would be the best way to describe it. I was loaned out to a CIA-sponsored program – it’s called “mechanical operations” – and we sort of found each other.

This is a terrific movie, funny with lots of action, and a hilarious performance by Dan Aykroyd as a fellow “unhinged” Assassin!

High school reunions will never be the same!



Categories: Action Films, Awards, Books / Media, Comedy Movies, Great Films, Independent Cinema, Movies, Obscure Movies, Revenge Movies, Talent/Celebrities, Uncategorized

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  1. “G” Is For Gangsters! “Gotcha!” And “A-B-C” Too! My Movie Celebration Continues With Classic “G” Films! – johnrieber
  2. Films With An “R”! Killer Lions “Roar!” Cinema’s Greatest Cult Musical And Boxing “Rocky” Too!! – johnrieber

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