Dirk Diggler, Barton Fink, Ed Wood and Dirk Diggler Again Because He’s Just That Good!

When’s the last time you experienced Dirk Diggler?

You got that “Barton Fink” feeling?

Ever wanted to yell into the megaphone “Cut! Print! Perfect! Let’s move on!”

And again, looking for a little love from Dirk Diggler?

Aren’t we all! Time to celebrate the magic of movies – this time focusing on movies that celebrate crazy movie characters!

Ed Wood.

In 1994, Director Tim Burton made this film to celebrate the life of the worst movie Director of All-Time, Ed Wood.

Johnny Depp IS Ed Wood, the notoriously “cross-dressing filmmaker” whose legacy includes directing the “worst film of all time” as voted on by movie lovers and critics – the infamous “Plan 9 From Outer Space.”

Johnny Depp, Sarah Jessica Parker, and a collection of outcasts and wannabes star, telling the story of how Ed Wood made his films – classics such as “Glen and Glenda”, “Bride Of The Monster”, and of course, “Plan 9 From Outer Space.”

Bill Murray is perfect in a small role as well – a bone dry performance that balances well with the more comedic elements of the film.

“Ed Wood” includes the story of how the Director met legendary horror film star Bela Legosi, then a washed up heroin addict. Legosi stars in Wood’s film, in order to earn money for more drugs.

Portrayed by Martin Landau, it is a performance full of heart, sadness, and especially anger – such as when someone accidently refers to Legosi as arch rival Boris Karloff’s sidekick:

Bela Lugosi: Karloff? Sidekick? FUCK YOU! Karloff did not deserve to smell my shit! That limey cocksucker can rot in Hell for all I care!
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: What happened?
Bela Lugosi: How dare that asshole bring up Karloff? You think it takes talent to do Frankenstein? It’s all makeup and grunting.
[Mocks Frankenstein]
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Bela, I agree with you 100%. Now, “Dracula,” that’s a role that requires talent.
Bela Lugosi: Of course. Dracula requires presence. It’s all in the eyes, and the voice, and the hands…
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: [interrupting] That’s right. That’s right. You seem a little agitated. You wanna to go outside and get some air?
Bela Lugosi: Bullshit! I’m ready now! Roll the camera!

This is a terrific love letter to low-budget movie making, and proof that you don’t need anything but a vision to make a movie – such as when an Editor offers to lend Wood some stock movie footage. Wood makes up a plot for a movie on the spot as he watches it…

Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Why, if I had half a chance, I could make an entire movie using this stock footage. The story opens on these mysterious explosions. Nobody knows what’s causing them, but it’s upsetting all the buffalo. So, the military are called in to solve the mystery.
Editor on Studio Lot: You forgot the octopus.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, no, I’m saving that for my big underwater climax.

Should we all have the chance to remember the octopus. Now, time for a little trip inside the mind of a writer…



Barton Fink. 1991.
OK, we know that the Coen Brothers are brilliant. “Fargo”, “No Country For Old Men” and “The Big Lebowski” are just the tip of their creative iceberg…

“Barton Fink” stars John Turturro as the title character – it’s a brilliant film that looks inside the mind of a Writer – and tries to bring to life the cinematic visualization of writer’s block. Yes, this is a movie about writer’s block.

Here’s the plot: In 1941, New York intellectual playwright Barton Fink comes to Hollywood to write a Wallace Beery wrestling picture. Staying in the eerie Hotel Earle, Barton develops severe writer’s block.

His neighbor, jovial insurance salesman Charlie Meadows (John Goodman), tries to help, but Barton continues to struggle as a bizarre sequence of events distracts him even further from his task.

I tell Alex that she brings that “Barton Fink” feeling to every show she makes. Watch this and you’ll understand. We all need that “Barton Fink” feeling.

Barton Fink’s writer’s block keeps getting worse, and that frustrates movie Producer Ben Geisler, played by Tony Shaloub, who offers him some cutting advice:

Geisler: Look, you confused? You need guidance? Talk to another writer.
Barton: Who?
Geisler: Jesus, throw a rock in here, you’ll hit one… And do me a favor, Fink – throw it hard.

This is a brilliant movie…watch it twice: first, just let it unfold, don’t try to figure out who John Goodman even is, just watch it.

Then watch again, but this time imagine that John Goodman is portraying Fink’s writers block come to life. Then, notice this picture on Barton’s wall…

And wait until the end of the movie…

“Inception” indeed!

Now, an important word from Dirk Diggler!

Boogie Nights! 1997. This is, quite simply, one of the best movies ever made, pure and simple.

Paul Thomas Anderson directed this epic look at the rise of a adult film superstar, and his journey through the changing world of porn. Anderson uses the adult film industry to tell a much larger story of the changing world of art and commerce, innocence and corruption.

Inspired by the tragic story of John C. Holmes – aka “Johnny Wadd”, Mark Wahlberg does an amazing job as Eddie Adams, who is “discovered” by an adult movie producer – due to his “unique” talent – and overnight becomes porn superstar Dirk Diggler!

The terrific cast includes John C. Reilly, Burt Reynolds, and Heather Graham, who is terrific as Roller Girl…

Also in the cast are Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Julianne Moore, who plays porn star Amber Waves…here she meets Wahlberg AKA Dirk Diggler, and sees what all the fuss is about…


Amber Waves: Let me just check on something.
[takes off Dirk’s pants]
Amber Waves: That is a giant cock.

The entire cast is phenomenal in the film, with Burt Reynolds doing an amazing job in what was called the comeback role of a lifetime…

You see Dirk Diggler as he creates another character, “Brock Landers”, an ass-kicking Detective who also loves the ladies!

[in a scene from “Brock Landers: Angels Live In My Town”]
Dirk: [as Brock] You still hungry?
Jessie St. Vincent: Starving.
[unzipping his pants]
Dirk: [as Brock] Then feast on that.

Dirk befriends fellow porn actor Reed Rothchild – brilliantly portrayed by John C. Reilly, and they form a friendship that goes from movies to music, with hilariously disasterous results:

After achieving porn super stardom, Dirk Diggler and his sidekick Reed Rothchild decide to become rock stars. After singing some of the worst songs ever put on film, they return to the studio to find out that the record producer won’t release the master tapes…

Dirk: Look, man, all we need is the tapes, all right?
Record Producer: No, you don’t get the tapes until you’ve paid.
Dirk: In our situation, that doesn’t make any fucking sense.
Reed Rothchild: Look, we can not pay for the tapes, unless we take the tapes to the record company, and get paid.
Dirk: Hello? Exactly.
Record Producer: That’s not an MP, that’s a YP, your problem. Come up with the money, or forget it.
Reed Rothchild: Okay, now you’re talking above my head. I don’t know all of this industry jargon, YP, MP. All I know is that I can’t get a record contract, we cannot get a record contract unless we take those tapes to the record company. And granted, the tapes themselves are a uh um oh, you own them, all right, but the magic that is on those tapes. That fucking heart and soul that we put onto those tapes, that is ours and you don’t own that. Now I need to take that magic and get it over the record company. And they’re waiting for us, we were supposed to be there a half hour ago. We look like assholes, man.
Dirk: Let me explain to him in simple arithmetic. One, two three! Because you don’t fuckin’ get it, Burt! You give us the tapes. We get the record contract. We come back and give you your fuckin’ money. Have you heard the tapes? Have you even heard them? We’re guaranteed a record deal. Our stuff is that good!
Record Producer: Now I get it. Now I understand. You want it to happen… but it’s not going to happen. Because it’s a Catch-22.
Dirk: What the fuck does that mean? What is a Catch-22, Burt?
Record Producer: Catch-22, gentleman. Think about it.
[pause]
Dirk: You know what I’m thinking about, man? I’m thinking about kicking some fuckin’ ass!

There is so much that is great about this movie – I assume you have all seen it and just enjoy reading some of this amazing dialogue…

I can watch this movie any day of the week…a masterpiece. RIP Phillip Seymour Hoffman…

There you have it! Let me know what you think!



Categories: Academy Awards, Awards, Books / Media, Cannes Film Festival, Comedy Movies, Film Noir, Great Films, Independent Cinema, Movies, Movies About Movies, Obscure Movies, Talent/Celebrities

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