Shallow Graves, Disappearing Creeds and, Of Course, Snatch!

Hey, Brad Pitt! You relaxed?

Hey, Gemma Arterton – you all settled in and comfortable?

Oops, Gemma doesn’t seem to like the accommodations…

And finally – Ewan McGregor – you seem a bit tense…

Brad, Gemma and Ewan, you all need to relax and get ready for some tough-as-nails, terrific British crime drama…violent, profane, hilarious, and beautifully made films that will entertain you all night long!

The Disappearance Of Alice Creed – 2009

This is a little-seen, terrific little British crime thriller. Let’s get started. First, meet stars Martin Compston and Eddie Marsan:

They play two criminals, Vic and Danny, who kidnap Alice Creed. They fastidiously set-up an apartment building and handcuff Alice to the bed, all in a careful attempt to make sure that she won’t escape and they won’t get caught.

Now meet British Actress Gemma Arterton – Gemma is Alice Creed – Alice is the kidnap victim. Alice has been abducted, and things don’t look good…

And that is all you need to know. Put this into the blu-ray, or download it on Netflix, or find it ondemand, and start watching…

The first word is spoken 5 minutes and 25 seconds into the film. Roughly another 4 minutes pass before the next one is spoken. And you will be mesmerized. The guys are terrific and Gemma Arterton is amazing – this is a great thriller!

Shallow Grave – 1994

Behold Danny Boyle’s directorial debut. You know, THE Danny Boyle?

The Danny Boyle who won Best Picture and Best Director for “Slumdog Millionaire” – the guy who made “Trainspotting” – a brilliant film with the BEST toilet scene in movie history…if you don’t believe me read my post!

Anny Boyle is a great Director, and this is his first film – and it’s terrific!

Kerry Fox, Christopher Eccleston and Ewan McGregor are roommates….

It starts when three people living together in a four bedroom flat are looking for a house mate. The interviews they conduct are very unorthodox and very funny.

Alex Law: So tell me, Cameron, just tell me because I’d like to know, what on earth could make you think that we would want to share a flat like this with someone like you? I mean, my first impression, and they’re rarely wrong, is that you have none of the qualities that we normally seek in a prospective flatmate. I’m talking here about things like presence, charisma, style and charm, and I don’t think we’re asking too much, I don’t think we’re being unreasonable. Take David here, for instance: a chartered accountant he may be, but at least he tries hard. The point is I don’t think you’re trying.

Eventually the three agree on one prospective tenant. He moves in, locks his door, and is not seen again. After a couple of days the three become curious and break in to his room. What follows is an amazing piece of cinema and to say more would ruin it. See it now – Ewan’s first starring role!

Snatch! – 2000 – Directed by Guy Ritchie

Meet Turkish and his close friend/accomplice Tommy – and yes, Turkish is Jason Statham:

[first lines in the film]
Turkish: [narrating] My name is Turkish. Funny name for an Englishman, I know. My parents to be were on the same plane when it crashed. That’s how they met. They named me after the name of the plane. Not many people are named after a plane crash. That’s Tommy. He tells people he was named after a gun, but I know he was really named after a famous 19th century ballet dancer.

These two small-time crooks get pulled into the world of match fixing by the notorious Brick Top. These are the bad guys, and they are BAD:

Things get complicated when the boxer they had lined up gets the shit kicked out of him by Pitt, a ‘pikey’ ( slang for an Irish Gypsy)- who comes into the equation after Turkish, an unlicensed boxing promoter wants to buy a caravan off the Irish Gypsies. They then try to convince Pitt not only to fight for them, but to lose for them too. And yes, Brad Pitt gives an amazing performance as Mickey…

And this is just one part of the story! While all this is going on, a huge diamond heist takes place, and a fistful of motley characters enter the story, including ‘Cousin Avi’, ‘Boris The Blade’, ‘Franky Four Fingers’ and ‘Bullet Tooth Tony’.

The word “fuck” is said 163 times. And in VERY entertaining ways…and there is a dog….

And a diamond, which attracts the interest of GREAT character Actor Dennis Farina as Avi…

Avi: Eighty-six carats.
Rosebud: Where?
Avi: London.
Rosebud: London?
Avi: London.
Avi’s Colleague: London?
Avi: Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup ‘o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins… LONDON.

Brad Pitt’s character and indecipherable speech was inspired by many critics’ complaints about the accents of the characters in “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.” Guy Ritchie decided to counter the criticisms by creating a character that not only couldn’t be understood by the audience but the also couldn’t be understood by characters in the movie.

This movie is profane, bloody, hilarious, and violent – everything you want in a great movie….or as Avi says…

Customs official: Anything to declare?
Avi: Yeah. Don’t go to England.

Try these three great examples of gritty British crime films…let me know what you think!



Categories: Grindhouse, Movies, Obscure Movies, Revenge Movies, Uncategorized

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  1. Movies A-Z Stops On “S”! Hilarious Drinking! Evil Darth Vader! Brad Pitt TWICE! – johnrieber

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