TOP TEN Bacon Products – That Are NOT Cheeseburgers!

I am NOT obsessed with bacon!

OK, maybe a little bit. Who isn’t? Bacon made a bigger comeback in the last few years than smoking! As much as people talk about bacon, how much do people actually EAT IT? Maybe on a burger, maybe along side some eggs and toast, but that’s about it, right? No, of course not. Bacon recipes could fill a book, which a do – it’s called “Bacon: A Love Story.” And I own it.

Here are some great bacon quotes I found online at the website BrainyQuote:

Bacon’s not the only thing that’s cured by hanging from a string.
Hugh Kingsmill

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world.
Katy Perry

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
Doug Larson

We have found that morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells.
William Taylor

You pretty much can’t get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you’d be good to go.
Hillary Scott

Even more than that, if you go onto the internet, you can find thousands upon thousands of bacon pictures – in a wide wide wide variety of uses. Just how wide? Well, here are the top ten bacon products that are NOT a bacon cheeseburger – and yes, I put in a bacon cheeseburger picture as well!

10-Bacon Lube. let’s get this one out of the way quickly. You know what it is for, and if this is the flavor you want, then knock yourself right out.

9-Bacon Shoes. I actually found a number of pictures of bacon-designed shoes. Surprisingly, all were raw – many looked to be a print of bacon, some were more creative and used actual raw bacon…still, if I were to ever put on a pair of bacon shoes I would cook it first – I could imagine the nice crunchy feel of a cooked bacon strip as I jogged along the beach…followed by a pack of dogs ready to eat me.

8-Speaking of dogs, how about a nice bacon doggie bubblebath? What a great idea! The dog would feel like its bathing in a pool of his favorite food…not, as Kramer said “a pool of his own tepid filth.” One question: how you keep them from drinking the whole thing while you are bathing them? That is beyond me, but since i don’t have a dog i don’t really care.

7-Bacon Soap. I recently used a bar of Dove soap, and the unmistakable smell of Dove was with me for most of the day. I felt very clean, and very smelly in a dove bar “you are unnaturally clean, aren’t you?” way. Now imagine you have just washed with bacon…or don’t, it might be more than you can handle.

6-Bacon Salt. The most useful of all of these items, I could see adding bacon salt to everything: french fries, baked potatoes, meatloaf – yes, even a cheeseburger. This product isn’t a joke, it’s total goodness. Please add this to your list of presents to get me next Christmas. Thanks in advance.

5-Bacon Candy Canes. I was given these for a holiday present. They will never be taken out of the box, because I think the best part is that it is, in fact, a box of bacon candy canes. Do we really need to know what it tastes like? If so, come by my office and I will give you one…

4-Bacon Toothpaste. After the candy canes, what better way to stay healthy AND keep the bacon rush going than brush with a bit of baconpaste? There is only one thing better, and that is…

3-Bacon Floss. Yes, follow up the brushing with a good flossing…imagine you had some bacon stuck in your teeth…with all of this bacon brushing and bacon flossing, how would you ever know?

2-The bacon bikini, or simply the “bacon-kini”. We used one at G4 recently on a super secret shoot that you will soon know more about, but let me say that this picture is nothing compared to what we are going to air soon. Our bacon-kini wasn’t, by the way, a bacon print or fabric – it was REAL bacon designed to be a bikini. I think raw really is the only way to go with this one…

1-The bacon helmet. Look at this picture I found. This is a very angry guy wearing a bacon helmet. He looks like a bacon Viking. If I ran into this guy in an alley I would give him my wallet, the keys to my car, and some scrambled eggs. That is how tough he is….

Let me know what bacon products you found! Yes, I also found bacon bandages, which I have used and they make your wound look worse, not better, like an open gaping wound. And I didn’t include the bacon tie that Erika gave me because, let’s be honest, I just might wear it someday!



Categories: Food, Hamburgers, Recipes

Tags:

2 replies

  1. Since it is all about bacon, this blog post made EVERYTHING better. Thanks!

    Like

  2. Oh. My. Gosh. LOVE all of this!

    Like

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