10-I Eat Your Skin. This low low low-budget film from 1964 was actually a straightforward, black and white effort that showed how drinking snake serum on a Carribean island will turn you into a Zombie. It was released as a grindhouse double bill with “I Drink Your Blood” in the early 70’s. By the way, if you google “I eat” one of your options will be “poo”. Nice touch, and keeping in the holiday spirit of what to avoid, this is a perfect seque to…
9-The Human Centipede (First Sequence) and The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence). I will watch almost any movie. I cannot bring myself to watch these, Christmas day or not. Dutch Film Director Tom Six came up with the immediately legendary idea of a “Mad Scientist” who stitches people together to form…you know what. and everything you think could happen DOES. In the sequel, a fan obsesses over the first film and decides to replicate it. One clever touch: Actress Ashlynn Yennie is in both films, as the sequel imagines that she is kidnapped by the fan as he remakes the first movie, and wants her to “star” in his version as well.
8-Salo, or 120 Days of Sodom. Italian Director Pier Paolo Pasolini ended his career by making this depraved 1975 shocker. A group of young Italians are abused in every conceivable way, and many ways you could never imagine, by Nazis during WW2. Criterion actually released a remastered version recently, but trust me, you won’t want to slip this into the DVD or blu-ray on the 25th!
7-A Clockwork Orange. Stanley Kubrick’s brilliant look at a futuristic London is a must watch ALMOST any other day, but you won’t be in a “ho ho ho” mood after this version of “Singing In The Rain” is performed. A movie can be brilliant and still completely inappropriate, and this is that one…
6-Blood Feast. Or frankly, ANY Hershell Gordon Lewis movie. This is considered by many the movie that signalled the beginning of the grindhouse era. see my other post about the ten best grindhouse movies ever for more, but you don’t want to end a meal with a taste of what the evil genius Ramses has in store for you here.
5-Irreversible. quite simply one of the most difficult movies to watch EVER. French Director Gasper Noe deconstructs a relationship by beginning at the end and going backwards, one scene at a time. One of the most intense, and controversial movies ever made. Not only can you never watch this on Christmas day, you can NEVER show this to your parents, and certainly NOT your Aunt from Cleveland. If you’d like to see Gasper in action in something less intense, try the brilliant “Enter The Void.” Still a volatile movie-watching experience, but worth it. Warning, the opening credits may induce dizziness and nausea…no kidding!
4-Freaks. Tod Browning also ended his movie-making career by making this 1932 horror movie, set in a circus freak show – and starring real-life circus freaks. The haunting “one of us!” chant is the culmination of a trip through some very disturbing territory. No one in the family will sleep well after this one, so not a holiday tradition to start, EVER.
3-Tromeo & Juliet. I love Troma. Lloyd Kaufman is a mad genius, and the head of the longest-lasting independent movie studio in America. But piercings, mutilations, Lemmy from Motörhead and music by the Ass Ponys is NOT the way to end Christmas day. if Lloyd sees,this he will argue with me, so let me say: watch this and all the Troma classics like “The Toxic Avenger”, “Class of Nuke ’em High”, “Poultrygeist” and “Terror Firmer” any other day of the year…yes, even Easter!
2-Siri, the holiday horror movie. Go, RIGHT NOW, to Roosterteeth.com and watch this hilarious parody of a movie trailer, all about the evil that Siri can do. a great job by a team of really talented artists. this full-lenght effort, if it was ever actually made, is a movie that I actually WOULD watch on Christmas Day! You can also find it on YouTube, so check it out!
1-the absolutely LAST movie to watch on Christmas Day – Fred Claus. I mean, BECAUSE!
Let me know if you disagree!